Hello and welcome to the second issue! Since we last met, I’ve been doing some of my favorite things: Laying in the sun, swimming, cuddling with Ozzie, and eating food with people I love. Political horrors notwithstanding, I actually had a restful holiday weekend, and I hope you did too. 

If you’re not subscribed yet, and instead are just lurking around on the website, I respect it. But at the same time, I wish you’d just fork over your email and give me the pleasure of schedule-sending a love note to you. You’ll like it, I swear! And with that plug out of the way…

On My Brain

What Do We Think About Fake Designer Bags?

A dinner topic I’ve been habitually broaching lately: What’s everyone’s thoughts on fake designer bags? It seems innocuous enough, but I’m wont to stoke the flames by bringing class and capitalism into it, so really I’m just an instigator. But it’s an interesting dichotomy: What value do luxury goods really hold if anyone can buy a good fake, and why should people without the means to get the real thing be excluded from the market? And how murky are the ethics of buying “dupes”? 

I recently said to a friend that I’d like to take a trip down Canal St. memory lane, but the vibe is decidedly different from the last time I endeavored to find an impressive fake. On a trip to Chinatown as a teenager, I remember delighting in the little pools of paddling turtle hatchlings outside 99 cent shops, prickling with fear when heading into a back room for a counterfeit Coach bag, and emerging victorious and smug into the light of day. 

Nowadays, unpermitted vendors aggressively hawk their wares openly on the streets of Soho—a stark contrast to the Broad City version of Chinatown I fondly remember. Not to mention, sites like DHGate exist, where you can browse reviews and order fake bags direct from China to your doorstep, and there’s a whole world of TikTok devoted to reviewing purchases from “the gate.”  

It’s nearly as overwhelming as the Sephora on Broadway on a Saturday afternoon. But do I still want to go see if the fake “Goyard” totes live up to the hype? Yes, I do. So if you see me with a Goyard bag, I either came into some money or I finally made the pilgrimage back to the counterfeit mecca. 

LoveShackFancy Founder’s Home Tour

Okay, first thing’s first: I HATE the format of the home tours Caleb Simpson (I just learned his name) does on TikTok. You know the ones… he pretends to just run into people on the street and asks if he can take a tour of their house, and it’s not staged enough to feel campy but too staged to feel authentic, so it’s just cringey as hell. Yeah, those. 

One of his house tours is currently going viral both because it’s an insane piece of real estate in the West Village, and because it's also the frilly, girly home of Rebecca Hessel Cohen, the founder of LoveShackFancy. You’ll know the brand, too—they make dresses with all the same patterns from the “Shabby Chic” bedding sets of yesteryear, but charge ~$800 for each one. 

@calebwsimpson

@Rebecca Hessel Cohen

I want to enjoy this home tour, I really do. It’s an architecturally incredible home with a winding staircase, a stunning glass-roofed carriage house, and multiple terraces, but that’s just it… it’s so much house. I can’t even attempt to wrap my head around the cost to buy and furnish a home like this, and I don’t even want to. The furnishings and decor are exactly what you’d expect from the founder of LoveShackFancy, and that’s not a diss—it’s beautiful, it’s just not my steez. 

But instead of complaining any further, I’ll leave you with some of my favorite home tours that I like to revisit: 

• Troye Sivan (duh)  

• Sarah Charlesworth 

• Dakota Johnson 

• Matilda Goad (multiple parts) 

• Emma Roberts 

• Kate Leonard 

In My Cart

A Not-Basic Tumbler in an Extremely Good Color 

No shade to the Stanley girls (I love to go nonverbal and slurp up those “pack my Stanley with me” videos on TikTok like everyone else), but I’m a contrarian at heart, and I’ve been on the hunt for a tumbler that maybe doesn’t scream Utah mom. I happened upon a display of Hydro Flasks in Nordstrom last week, and ever since, I’ve been smitten with the “cactus” colorway. It’s a vibrant chartreuse that’s almost neon, and even though it reads yellow here, you’ll have to take my word that it’s greener IRL. 

Now, we’re already a Hydroflask family—we’ve got bottles in 24, 32, and 40oz capacities (and of course, three different colors), and they’ve all stood up to a real beating, like the time Jeffery dropped (and dented) my empty 40oz bottle in the Cabo airport and it sounded like a literal bomb went off. I won’t admit it to him, but a Hydro Flask actually looks good with some dents and dings… signs of love, etc. 

Anyway, I ordered the 32oz Travel Tumbler on Amazon before realizing that you can actually customize your tumbler on Hydro Flask’s site by picking straw, lid, and rubber base colors, and even engraving your initials. That would have been cool, but I’m also a sucker for prime shipping and instant gratification, so c’est la vie. 

A Pricey Bathing Suit That’s Unfortunately Worth It :/

Bathing suit shopping is… the woat. All of the bathing suits I currently own are from Summersalt, simply because I know what size I am and how they generally fit, and I’m too lazy to do more research. But this summer I’ve been wanting something different, and I haaaaaaate to admit that I need a Hunza G bathing suit. I was dubious about this brand because of the shocking price tag and the ~one size fits all~ schtick (we know this to be categorically untrue) but I recently tried a friend’s on… and, well, shit. 

Unfortunately, this suit does what it says it does. It somehow fits (despite looking like a toddler’s singlet), and it doesn’t cut into my legs but it also flatters my belly? Sorry to say, they live up to the hype. I ordered the Domino in black on Poshmark, of course, because I can rarely stomach any new or full priced clothing these days, but if I had unlimited funds I’d certainly be ordering the square neck in metallic forest green and the Brooke stripe in red and white. 

Never Hear Stuff Rattling Around In Your Trunk Again

After 7+ years and 150,000+ miles of dutiful service, Jeffery’s 2012 Ford Focus finally gave up, and it was time to say goodbye. The Jeep dealer was kind enough to offer $700 (lol) for the pleasure of taking it off our hands, and now Ozzie is the proud freeloader of a 2023 Jeep Cherokee. With a new car comes new organizational systems and personal promises to keep the interior clean, but there’s a certain amount of crap that needs corralling in the trunk at all times. A handheld vacuum, an old towel, Armor All wipes, jumper cables—you know the drill. 

So I did some deep diving on the most functional and best-looking trunk organizers out there—because a cool guy, blacked-out Jeep deserves some cool guy gear. My favorites below: 

Upon review of the options I sent him, Jeffery decided to go with this Calpak trunk organizer and I think it was a wise choice. It expands and contracts depending on how much storage you need, and it has three main compartments with lots of mesh pockets for smaller things like an emergency Swiss army knife and receipts for returns I’ll never make. I also really like that it has handles on both sides so it’s easy to yank in and out of the trunk if we need to make space for beach chairs or golf clubs. Oh! And the army green color is very cool, very Jeep.

If it were my car, I’d most certainly be stacking up a set of Hay collapsible storage crates. Of course, they’re adorably Scandi and come in a wide range of aesthetically minded hues, but they’re also supremely functional. The three different sizes can stack and nest, and you can even leave one panel open for easy access.

Another option I was really jazzed about is this box tote. Ultimately, multiple compartments and an expandable size won out, but I loooove the safari/camping feel of this tote and since it would mainly be stationary in the trunk, I wouldn’t be concerned with loading it up to the brim. 

Last one! I think this little caddy is just the bee’s knees. Junedays makes really thoughtful and attractive boating gear, but this caddy would be perfect in a backseat or trunk for holding all manner of things, from kid gear to tire-changing tools. 

In My Belly

Pistachio Cream Lattes 

It all started with my (genius) idea to shake a shot of espresso in an almost-empty Nutella jar. Wouldn’t you know it—sweet, nutty spreads make the perfect flavored latte, and pistachio cream is no exception. I salivate at anything pistachio, so when I saw jars of pistachio spread stacked up at Eataly (right next to the espresso, mind you), I lit up. This past week, I’ve been spooning a dollop of the spread into a mug and letting a double shot of espresso trickle over it so it gets nice and melty. Allora, I give it a stir (it might look a little broken, that’s okay, it’s just pistachio pieces) and pour it over ice and add milk. Bellissimo.  

Flavor Bomb Chicken Skewers  

I never thought to char chicken skewers in the cast iron pan until I watched Molly Baz’s video for her “flavor bomb” chicken skewers with feta and pickles, and then I made the recipe and was like… duh? I also forgot that marinating chicken really works, as in: It deeply infuses flavor and tenderizes the meat. So fun! Plus, the leftover marinade goes in the pan to deglaze all the crispy meat bits and reduce into a pan sauce that gets poured over the chicken at the end. I’ve made these a few times with chicken breast as opposed to thighs (because I’m a big giant meat texture baby) and with regular toothpicks in lieu of real skewers, and I’m happy to report it still slaps. Just make sure you turn your oven vent on and open a window if you’re in a small apartment like me. 

Your Qs, Answered

Q: “I need some fun wedding shoes! Colorful, mid-heel, quirky. Budget is $250.”

A: Beeeeeeet. This is an extremely fun task. Here are some shoes I’d spring for:

Okay, okay, there’s already one chartreuse item in this newsletter but I can’t resist another, and these also come in a ton of colors. Aerosoles has been killing it lately, and apparently their heels are comfortable to wear all night long. And these are under budget!

More green! I really love the chunky heel and the rounded point on the toe. I would also looooove these with jeans or slacks for work 🙂 

Usually I don’t fuck with Farm Rio (like, stop putting toucans and palm trees on everything puh-lease), but I love these puffy little heels, and the hope is that they’d be comfy for extended periods?

Oh no, I’m obsessed with these. Okay Jeffery Campbell making a comeback even after the fall of the infamous Lita… maybe Litas will come back soon? I’m calling it now.

Listen, I can’t vouch for this random Etsy seller, but I have pinned hyperrealistic orchid heels countless times on Pinterest… and here they are. Worth a shot, imo!

Need a gift suggestion for your mother-in-law’s birthday? Stuck on how to rearrange the furniture in your living room? Want to know what to do with a jar of marinated artichokes? Come to mama. Hit me up with your questions, and I'll answer them in an upcoming letter.