Hello, hello! We went to the renaissance faire on Sunday, and while the food wasn’t as good as I remembered, the people watching was just as compelling as ever. Ren faire goers hold nothing back with their costumes, and I love them for it. The first time I went, I thought I might be looked at disapprovingly for my jeans and sneakers, but I was pleasantly surprised by the warmth and acceptance of the ren faire crowd, who were ecstatic to welcome a first timer. This year, we took it a little more seriously (read: I ordered a corset on Amazon, and apparently half the girlies there had the same idea). If you’ve never been and are looking for a fall activity that’s not pumpkin picking, their season ends October 6th so get on it! And get there early, get the onion blossom, and order a half Angry Orchard half Blue Moon—it’s so good.

On My Brain 

I Want to Redo My Bedroom 

Ayyooooo we resigned our lease for another two years so, of course, I’m using that as an opportunity to convince Jeffery we should repaint (read: redo) the bedroom. It’s been largely untouched since we first painted and put it together, with the same art, furniture, and paint color on the walls. Now that we’ve painted the living room, kitchen, hallway, and bathroom twice each (!), I’d say it’s about time to redo the bedroom, wouldn’t you? 

Part of this impetus is that for whatever reason, I don’t love when two rooms in the apartment are in the same color family. For example, when we painted the living room and hallways in Venetian Portico by Benjamin Moore (a dupe for Farrow & Ball’s Setting Plaster), I also needed to paint the kitchen, which was previously Minestrone by Behr. I didn’t like the different shades of pink right next to each other, and since the apartment is open concept, I also wanted to define the kitchen as its own room through color. Anyway! Now that the kitchen is green (Archeological Site by Behr), I want to paint the bedroom blue. 

I’ve been very inspired by blue bedrooms as of late, so I got some samples from Benjamin Moore and have been sitting with a bunch of colors the last week or so in order to make a decision. I do believe I’m going to go with Mount Saint Anne or Silver Mink, both of which are a grayish, dusty blue with not too much green in the undertones (we’re trying to get away from green, as I said!!). Of course with a new paint color comes a lot of ideas for new furniture and decor. I definitely want a new bed (or at least a headboard with a matching bed skirt), perhaps some new nightstands (or a coat of paint on the current ones), and ideally, some new sconces/bedside lamps. I’ll keep you posted as this project gets more and more unhinged. 

In My Cart 

A Watch-Making Hobby for Your Partner Who Needs a Hobby 

Listen, society is not set up to provide straight men with fulfilling, toxic-masculinity-free hobbies. Sure, they have fantasy football and video games and golf, but it’s not always football season, video games get exhausting (for them and everyone else), and golf requires good weather. I’m over here hopping from crochet to DIY gel manicures to woodworking all in one evening, and Jeffery’s just trying to break away from Instagram reels long enough to get engrossed in something. 

Enter: A watch-making kit. During his quest to find something he could do with his hands (and not on his phone), Jeffery found this company called DIY Watch Club that sends you all the parts and tiny little tools to put together a watch. He absolutely loves it, and I’m so pleased he has found a new (albeit, expensive) hobby to throw himself into. They’re definitely pricey, but if you or someone you know has a growing interest in the world of watches, I think this is a very thoughtful gift. 

Okay Gap Factory? 

I, like many, got got by Gap’s recent ads with a little dancing Troye Sivan in baggy jeans. I zipped on over to their site to do some browsing, but ended up on the Gap Factory site and was shocked (positive) by the prices. Uh, this 100% cotton split-hem sweater? Yes. This pintuck detail shirt? Obviously I need another version of a striped, oversized button down, yes. A cutesy little eyelet top for layering? Yup. I added 4-5 things to my cart and the total still hadn’t reached $200, so watch out 4 me when I get my paycheck, Gap Factory. 

Unfortunately, I Need the Shark FlexStyle 

I’ve been hemming and hawing over whether or not I need the Dyson Airwrap or Shark FlexStyle for months (if not years? Not to be dramatic.), and I hate to admit that I do, in fact, need one. I’m opting for the Shark version simply because I can’t stomach $600 on a hair appliance, but trust, if I had a ton of disposable income, I’d be splurging on the more prestige one. I used a friend’s Airwrap on a trip and immediately after doing my hair I realized it was over for me… I needed one of these things. 

I’ve been on a hair journey since I stopped bleaching it (huge for me, a longtime blonde) and since my hair texture changed (I suspect due to hormonal changes after going off birth control). My hair is wavy now, when I’ve had pin-straight hair my whole life, so it requires more prep and product than ever to stay styled the way I like it. I was using the Revlon dryer brush for a while, and when I wanted more volume or curl at the ends, I’d set my hair in velcro rollers. This is very time consuming, though, and ultimately I think the direct heat from the dryer brush was doing more damage than I realized to my hair. Since the dryer brush just broke (lol) and I’m starting to go into an office more, I’ve decided I need to make an investment in my hair health and appearance, so lmk if you have any thoughts/tips/suggestions for using this bad boy! 

In My Belly 

The Sweetgreen-ish Fall Grain Bowl I Make Over and Over 

Back when I used to go into an office every day (uh, remember the pre-Covid days?), I was a fiend for a fast casual, healthy-adjacent lunch. The artist formerly known as Dig Inn (now just “Dig”) is obviously the number-one girl in the lineup of lunch places, but I’ve been known to dabble in some Cava, Sweetgreen, Chopt, Just Salad… the list goes on. As a result, I’ve been making this Sweetgreen/Chopt-inspired grain bowl for years every time the fall produce gets trotted back out in stores and at the market, and it always hits. Here’s what’s in it: 

The Bowl: 

• Trader Joe’s Harvest Blend Grain Mix (I boil it in chicken stock instead of water)

• Brussels sprouts, shaved and roasted in olive oil at 425° F until crisp 

• Butternut, honey nut, or acorn squash, cubed and roasted at 425° F in olive oil until browned 

• Goat cheese 

• Pepitas or sunflower seeds 

• Raw kale 

Honey Dijon Dressing (I wing the measurements every time pls just do what feels right): 

• Honey 

• Dijon mustard 

• Lemon juice 

• White wine vinegar 

• Olive oil 

• Salt 

• Pepper 

A Protein Chia Pudding for All My Girls (Gays, Theys) Who Hate Making Breakfast 

The first time I ate chia pudding I was furious. How in the world could anyone eat this slop, and how did I let the health nuts convince me I would enjoy it? Eventually I cooled off and, some time later, I tried making it myself. Well, wouldn’t you know, it just requires a few choice ingredients to make it a deliciously textural experience (akin to rice or tapioca pudding) instead of a major disappointment. I also like that it’s easy to add protein powder to, and it stores in the fridge for the week. I top mine with granola and fresh fruit (strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries being my favorites), and it’s really quite good. Apparently chia seeds are a great source of fiber too, so there you go! 

One of the Best Cakes I’ve Ever Had 

Holy shitballs. I just tried a rum cake for the first time and I’m now a rum cake stan, even though I hadn’t heard of them until three days ago. They were being sold at the annual “All About Downtown” festival in Jersey City this past weekend (a huge street festival with a ton of local businesses, food stalls, etc.), and if someone is giving out free samples, you can bet I’m gonna bite. The samples worked, too, because we ended up walking away with two rum cakes, one classic Caribbean rum and one ripe banana. I’m not usually big on boozy desserts (case in point: I think tiramisu is better without the rum or cognac), but these cakes are perfectly balanced with rum, butter, and sugar and are unbelievably moist. Apparently the manufacturer ships the Caribbean rum version via Amazon, with other flavors available on their site. The nice lady selling them informed us these could be frozen, too, so if you end up spending $50 or more on rum cakes to get the free shipping (I cannot blame you), toss ‘em in the freezer for a special day. 

You Ask, I Answer 

Q: “Just downsized to a smaller home with less closet space and got rid of a lot of clothes and shoes but need to get rid of more. I have a hard time parting with them and was wondering how you manage closet space in a one bedroom apartment and what I can do to make the purging process more manageable. Thanks!”

A: Hot dog, this is one of my favorite topics. Jeffery and I share a closet, and we both really like clothes and shoes, so we’re constantly purging and reorganizing to avoid bursting at the seams. What I’ve learned, though, is that we really don’t need more space than we currently have, because every time we clean our closet out, we end up with a ton of stuff we truly don’t wear or need. Here’s what I’d advise: 

Clean Out Your Closet Once a Quarter

Every quarter (I’d say we plan this, but really it happens naturally about four times a year when we need to do a clean out), we go through all of our clothes and shoes and make piles for selling/donating. The rule I’ve implemented that has helped us immensely is: If we’re out of hangers, we need to get rid of stuff. That’s because we have more hangers than our closet can really accommodate, if they were all filled. So if we’re doing laundry and find that we don’t have a stock of empty hangers ready to go, it’s probably time for a cleanout. Other signs include: Shit falling on your head, an inability to walk into a walk-in closet, or items constantly being misplaced. 

Get a Buddy to Help You

If you share a home with your partner, do a closet clean out together. If you live on your own, get a friend or roommate to just sit on your bed with you while you do it. This isn’t a new concept to the ADHD community, and it’s called body-doubling. You’ll get the job quicker and with more focus if you have someone there to keep you accountable, and they don’t even really need to do much. However, I’ve found that it’s extraordinarily helpful for both myself and Jeffery to get rid of clothes together because we can both speak to how often something is worn on the other person, which eases the pain of emotional attachment to clothing. Sure, Jeffery might want to keep something with tags on it, or I might be unreasonably attached to a hat I don’t reach for, but sometimes all it takes is someone saying, “you literally never wear that,” to toss something on the donate pile. 

Sell. Your. Stuff. 

Here’s the thing, I know selling clothes online is annoying. You have to keep them squirreled away somewhere until they’re purchased, and the whole reason you’re doing a cleanout is because you need more space. I get it. However, whenever we do a closet cleanout, I put aside things I think will sell on Poshmark and I give myself a week to get them photographed and listed. The serotonin you’ll get from making a sale on something you were otherwise going to donate is second only to the serotonin rush of buying something you’ve been wanting with the cash you made from selling your old stuff. This also helps assuage the guilt of getting rid of items you’re emotionally attached to, whether they’re gifts or stuff that no longer fits, because you have a new item to love! I can do a whole issue on how to sell and shop on Poshmark, lol, so let me know if that’s of interest. Whatever I don’t think will sell on Posh, we’ll bag up and drop off at Goodwill or Salvation Army. 

Need a gift suggestion for your mother-in-law’s birthday? Stuck on how to rearrange the furniture in your living room? Want to know what to do with a jar of marinated artichokes? Come to mama. Hit me up with your questions, and I'll answer them in an upcoming letter.