Our Wedding Was a Comedy of Errors — & We Loved It

How does one condense their entire wedding into a single newsletter? One doesn’t. One splits it up into several parts: The highlights and lowlights (this issue), the complete cost breakdown (coming soon), and the everything-I-bought-and-DIYed-for-two-years issue (which will come when photos come back — hopefully within the month).

We (read: I) made everyone play rose and thorn after the rehearsal dinner and at the wedding after party, because it’s simply the best way to end the day. It’s the perfect game for feeling grateful while also being a realist (a balance I’m striving toward irl, tbh), and it always brings people together — even if they begrudge the structured fun.

So, now that the zenith of our lives has passed (ha! I kid!), let me take you on a trip through all the biggest roses and worst thorns that made up our wedding.

Rose: The Ceremony Made Us Weep Like Fools

Listen, sometimes I’m afraid that I can’t feel the depth of the emotion I should be feeling. With 20mg of Lexapro pumping through my veins on a daily basis (and, depending on the day, 5–10mg of Adderall), I’m pretty even keeled, but that also means I don’t cry very much (on top of being a non-crier in the first place). I was nervous that we’d get to the ceremony and I wouldn’t feel present in the moment or grounded in the emotion of what was happening — because that happens to me quite often.

I am pleased to report: I have never felt such a swell of emotion in my chest or in my eyes. People always say they black out for their wedding ceremonies, and I can now add to that chorus. Just before the doors opened for my dad and I to walk through, I let out a tiny sob because I was worried that my hair was being ruined by the rain, but as soon I saw Jeffery, I forgot all about it. It felt like I was looking through a vignette filter: the guests seated in aisle chairs, photographers zipping around, and rain hurtling sideways into the building all went fuzzy around the edges — the only thing I could see was my handsome little guy, waiting for me at the altar.

I walked down the aisle to “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac, which a lot of people think is a sad song (incorrect losers :/). To me, it’s an ode to changing, growing older, and making difficult decisions that lead you to where you’re meant to be. It was performed by a string trio (guitar, violin, cello) too, so without the lyrics, it was just a beautiful instrumental. My Aunt Maura officiated and did a bang up job, and thank god she was focused on getting us legally married because we’d probably need a city hall redo if it was in our hands. Our friends Kaileigh and Sophia spoke in lieu of readings, and I am now formally recommending you have your friends speak during the ceremony — it was so lovely and heartfelt.

Rose: Our Friend Celeste Made the Most Beautiful Wedding Cake

Months (maybe a year+?) ago Celeste said: “I have a crazy idea… I want to make your wedding cake.” To which I replied “UR HIRED!” Since then, she’s made 3 (4?) practice cakes, getting the buttercream whipped to the perfect consistency, refining the chiffon cake layers, making lots of batches of banana pudding (my fave) and berries and cream fillings, honing her piping skills, experimenting with dowels to maintain the structure, and finding the best methods for sugaring fruit. And it was worth it :). I’ve never heard so many people compliment a wedding cake — nor have I ever remembered a wedding cake being particularly delicious — and that’s all on my girl!

Thorn: The Weather Was… Uh… Really Bad

Turns out, the $15 I spent for a good weather spell from an Etsy witch was $15 poorly spent. Or was it? I submitted the spell asking for “good weather” on Friday and Saturday of the wedding weekend, and perhaps her (or the universe’s) interpretation of good weather was torrential rain and 45 degrees… and that’s what we were always supposed to have? That’s what I’m going with.

The original plan was to have the ceremony and cocktail hour outside, and let it be known that the same weekends in 2024 and 2023 were sunny, mid-70’s perfection. Given that, I was optimistic and quite laissez-faire (unusual for me) about the weather the entire time. Until, that is, I was able to look ahead at the forecast. On Wednesday morning, when it became clear that the weather was likely to be pretty bad, I stayed in bed and cried on the phone to my mom. I didn’t realize how tightly I was clinging to the vision of a warm, sunny day until a pivot was imminent, and I really had to let myself mourn that in order to shake it off.

Dramatic? Maybe. But I stand by it. People say the weather doesn’t matter, that rain is good luck, yadda yadda yadda. But you know what? I still wish it was sunny that day. In time, the weather will become one of the funny bits we recount in the wedding comedy of errors, but right now, I’m still smarting a bit from the climate disappointment.

Rose: Jeffery & I Successfully Stuck Together All Night

Apparently it’s easy to get pulled in different directions at your wedding, so Jeffery and I made a concerted effort to stay together, and it worked! We held hands and snaked through the crowd at the cocktail hour, he came with me when I changed into my second dress, and we even took bathroom breaks together (just pee, you perverts!). We did a good amount of dancing (which people recorded and I refuse to watch) and sloppy kissing, and I’m grateful that we really stuck to our guns on this one, because you know, the whole thing was a celebration of our love and stuff.

Rose: The String Trio Was a Glorious Triumph

If we had all the money in the world (Gwen Stefani style) we would have hired a full band for the reception. Unforch, good bands in the NY metro/upstate can cost upwards of $10–25,000 (yes, that’s a real number), so that clearly wasn’t in the cards for us. Luckily, my mother-in-law agreed that a string section for the ceremony and cocktail hour was the perfect way in for a live music element, and graciously offered to cover it. My only wish was that I got to experience it more.

As mentioned, I blacked out for the ceremony, and we were occupied for most of the cocktail hour taking photos and greeting people, so I really wish I would have asked someone if they recorded the string trio. Alas!  

While people were being seated, they played “She’s Electric” by Oasis, “And I Love Her” by The Beatles, “Friday I’m in Love,” by The Cure, “Love Me Tender” by Elvis Presley, “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton, “Free Fallin’” by Tom Petty, and “How Sweet It Is” by James Taylor. The moms walked down to “In My Life” by The Beatles, the wedding party to “Blackbird” by The Beatles, and my dad and I to “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. Then, when the ceremony concluded, Jeffery and I walked out to “For Once in My Life” by Stevie Wonder. For the cocktail hour, we asked them to play majority Grateful Dead songs, and they mixed in some classic rock as well. 

Everything I heard from them was absolutely fabulous, and my eyes are pricking just at the thought of hearing them start up at the cocktail hour through the floor (we were taking photos above the cocktail hour location). So to anyone reading who has videos of the string trio, please send them to me! I’m desperate!

Thorn: The Power Went Out & the Septic Tank Backed Up

Yep! The night before the wedding, the rain was coming down in sheets. So much so, that the power to the entire venue went out — at which point I began to panic that A. the cake would melt, B. the flowers would wilt, C. it would be too hot to sleep, and D. the power wouldn’t be back on for the wedding. Luckily, they turned on the generator and the power was restored, but unluckily, the septic tank on the property backed up that night as well.

We were informed at around 8pm that three tampons were found inside the tank (the implication being that we flushed them) and that we were not going to be able to shower or flush the toilets in the house until a plumber could arrive and rectify the situation. Why? Because poop was rising up through the floors into the shower drains, and it would only continue to do so should we disobey the rules.

Now, I’m no stranger to septic tanks and tampons. In my previous apartment in Astoria, we learned the hard way that no baby wipes or tampons could be flushed, lest we want the girls living rent-free below us to have all their belongings flooded with sewage. Our landlord even went so far as to tell us not to flush TOILET PAPER, and that we should instead put it in a waste basket near the toilet because “that’s what they do in Greece.” Hey, guess what? Astoria might feel like Greece, but it’s not Greece — it’s actually Queens, New York, and I will not be handling my roommates’ feces tissue, thankyouverymuch.

Anyway, you want to know how we know they weren’t our tampons? Jeffery was actually the one to point out this salient detail to me in a text the next morning:

It’s true, myself and my bridesmaids are all roughly on the same cycle (even Sophia in London) so we know for certain that it wasn’t us.

The morning of the wedding, the septic truck arrived to pump the tank, and we were delighted to find that the stench of sewage hung heavily in the air for most of the morning. Luckily, it did dissipate by the time our guests arrived, but then backed up once more before we departed Sunday morning — as a little treat!

Rose: Our Outfits Ruled

Toot toot! We spent months picking every little piece of our wedding attire, and it paid off, imo. In the everything-we-bought-and-made-for-the-wedding newsletter, I’ll go into details about where we got dresses, suits, shoes, etc. but for now, let’s just say: We looked gr8. I think Jeffery is still riding high on all the compliments he got on his high-waisted pants for the rehearsal and double-breasted suit for the wedding… as he should!

Rose: I’m So Proud of How the Florals Came Out

You already know I love the flower district in Manhattan — I even wrote a whole guide to navigating it here. So I knew from the start that I wanted to do the florals for the wedding, and I’ve been practicing, watching tutorials, and honing the inspiration photos for literally the past two years. People repeatedly balked when I told them I was planning to do the flowers myself, and even though I questioned my own sanity a few times, I’m very glad I trusted my gut and the skills I’ve acquired.

It all came to fruition when myself, my mom, aunt, and MIL made every single arrangement (33 for the tables, 14 scattered around) and bouquet (1 for me, 6 for the bridesmaids), and they turned out PERFECT.

Both of our parents and my aunt (plus Oswald and my in-law’s dog, Jack) shared an Airbnb for the whole weekend, so we set up flower shop there on Thursday evening. Jeffery and I picked all the flowers up in the city that morning and transferred them all to buckets to transport upstate in the back of our Jeep — AC blasting to prevent wilting (and our spray tans from streaking).

I went in with a roughly $1,000 budget (all cash, because it’s cheaper) and got in and out of Associated Cut Flower Co. in about 30 minutes. Now, my in-laws did end up making a late night run to Whole Foods to pick up some more fluffy flowers (peonies, hydrangeas) and tulips, and thank god they did. I needed more bulbous blooms to fill out the squat, pedestal arrangements, and I didn’t end up finding any hydrangeas I liked at the flower market.

I do heartily recommend sourcing flowers wholesale from the floral district, though, especially if you’re doing a bunch of arrangements. The difference in quality is huge compared to Trader Joe’s or Whole Foods, as evidenced by numerous flowers from the market still going strong in our apartment nine days later, whereas the Whole Foods flowers are long gone.

Thorn: The Venue Owner Turned Out to Be Kind of a Menace

Guys, I don’t think I have the energy to get into this one right now, and I also want to get our security deposit back before I go scorched earth. I’m saving my Notes app list of grievances for a rainy day and a review on The Knot, but in the meantime, suffice to say: we were shocked by switch up from the owner we met when we booked and the person we dealt with the weekend of the wedding. If you’re morbidly curious, maybe I’ll send you a voice note. Onto a rose!

Rose: The Food and Catering Staff Were Above and Beyond

Nicole’s catering out of Albany? Five friggin’ stars. We primarily worked with Ava and Emily, and god, are they the best girls in the world. Almost our entire menu was made from scratch (because I’m a persnickety little wench), and they were unflappable in the face of very specific requests. For ex., I wanted Thai-style crab rangoons with a thin, purse-shaped wonton wrapper, and a salad I make at home with baby kale, strawberries, pecans, goat cheese, and a mustard vinaigrette. They said: No prob!

Not only was the food fabulous, their service was out of this world. They ran point when I needed to not be in direct contact with the venue owner to preserve my sanity, bandaged up my little rubbed-raw heels before the first dance, made sure we had a platter of passed apps to eat at the dinner table, handled everything the other teams refused to assist with, kept us plied with signature drinks, held umbrellas to protect my hair from the bitter rain, intervened when the DJ strayed from the script, and were generally just a joy to be around. Say it with me: We love Nicole’s!

Rose: At Least the Weather Held Out for the Rehearsal Dinner!

Before the utterly malevolent rain rolled in, we were lucky enough to get a day’s worth of sunshine and temperate breezes for the ceremony rehearsal and dinner. My MIL put the dinner together, with BBQ catering from — you guessed it — Nicole’s, her homemade limoncello, little bow-shaped cookies and cigar pretzel sticks (the two genders), and lots of little custom details. I swore up and down I wouldn’t drink the night before the wedding because it makes my face puffy, but I was enjoying myself so much with our people that I couldn’t resist some limoncello and prosecco. And if I looked puffy the next day? Idk, there’s Facetune for that. We’ll always have the memory of what could have been from the rehearsal dinner, and what a gift!

Thorn: The DJ and Her Husband Had a Hard Time Following Instructions

From the beginning, I was adamant that we find a non-male DJ. I loathe hearing men garble into the mic for the entirety of a wedding, doing all sorts of cringey ad libs, calling the bride hot, and forcing unlucky women on the dance floor during “Single Ladies.” I thought I really hacked it by finding a nice lady DJ, but turns out, her husband is her emcee, and he looooooves to talk into the mic. He opened the reception by putting a bunch of words in our mouths and calling himself — I kid you not — the “party rocker” of the evening. It should be noted that LMFAO was on the top of the “Do Not Play” list, and I sent a very clear email asking that announcements and ad libs be kept to an extreme minimum.

You can only imagine how quickly he was corrected by the coordinator, catering lead, and multiple friends, who could tell by my throat slitting pantomime and bulging eyeballs that I was not pleased. To add insult to injury, after all the customary dances, the FIRST song the DJ played was “Die With a Smile” by Bruno Mars and Lady Gaga. Who else was at the tippy top of the “Do Not Play” list? Bruno Mars, of course. I didn’t go full bridezilla on this one, because Lady Gaga is on the “Must Play” list, but like… really? Of all the superb Lady Gaga songs? They spent the rest of the evening pouting, but I’m considering it a win, because she stuck to my very detailed playlists and he stayed away from the mic from then on.

Rose: We Really Felt the Love <3

If you want to feel really loved by all your people, a wedding really is a great way to get that fix. The resounding sentiments we heard over and over again were that our ceremony was so heartfelt, the speeches were so great, and our friends were so lovely.

It’s all true! The ceremony was perfect (save for some hacking I heard from the audience at one point… I hated that), my dad’s speech was funny, earnest, and well-paced, my maid of honor Rachel’s speech reminded me just how well she knows me (which never fails to make me feel warm and fuzzy), and Jeffery’s best man Marco’s speech was a hilarious and sincere ode to male friendship.

On top of all that, it’s a really special thing to see so many of your loved ones in one place — chattering across the table, bonding on the drink line, Airdropping photos to one another. I wish I could do it all over again.

Need a gift suggestion for your mother-in-law’s birthday? Stuck on how to rearrange the furniture in your living room? Want to know what to do with a jar of marinated artichokes? Come to mama. Hit me up with your questions, and I'll answer them in an upcoming letter.