We’re really in the thick of seasonal depression season, and the only thing getting me through these cold, boring days is planning outfits for future events and consuming clandestine bowls of Frosted Flakes in the night.

But I finally watched The Substance last week and really enjoyed it, though it felt about 30 minutes too long (this is a constant critique of mine, it seems). Loooooove the body horror (can confirm if you’re squeamish you should absolutely not watch), and concept. Jeffery was like, “wait, I don’t get it, because they’re both so hot?” And yep, I think that’s the point, but from it’s true, they’re both hot, so what the hell?

Next up I think will be Conclave and A Complete Unknown.

On My Brain

A Discovery of Witches

I have just discovered (😈) A Discovery of Witches on Netflix, and I ripped through the first season in nothing flat. I’m currently between Bravo shows (RHOSLC and RHONY just ended, but Below Deck Down Under is back and Summer House is on this week), so I’m obviously yearning for more TV to take up my time.

The series is billed on Netflix as “a cross between Twilight and Outlander,” and um, count me in. A witch who’s working on her powers falls in love with a vampire?? Catnip. Is it super well-acted or scripted? No. But it scratches the fantasy itch, and season 2 delves into some period costuming, which I always love. It’s only three seasons (apparently it’s based on the All Souls trilogy of books), but I also love when shows quit while they’re ahead, so I’m hopeful that all three seasons will delight.

E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles!

It’s been well documented that I’m decidedly not a sports girl, but idk, if the teams I align with keep playing the big games… I might become one. Somehow I ended up the baseball chick on my team at work (lol) simply because I seemed to be the only one following the Yankees / Dodgers world series, but this time there were other Birds fans to commune with in Slack, thank god. Big sports games are slowly inching their way onto my radar, if for no other reason than to keep up with the news cycle. I’m even starting to understand how community is derived through allegiance to sports teams (I know, I’m really late to the party), but dw, you’ll never catch me referring to a team as “we.” I’m not a monster.

And can we talk about how fun it was to watch the Chiefs lose? Felt like a real win for the country given the flubbed press conference answers by certain Chiefs players and in light of those who were in attendance at the game. Especially when compared to Jaylen Hurts’ near perfect response to the same questions, his female management team, and of course, his face. And I, like many others, am finding such joy in the clips of Travis Kelce walking out of the stadium in his sparkly gigolo outfit, acting like a real sore loser. Suck it!

In My Cart

I Finally Pulled the Trigger on Wedding Shoes

I really really hope these fit, because I’m tired of scrolling through shoe listings on The Real Real, Vestiaire Collective, and Poshmark every single night. I’m like a dog with a bone when I fixate on a particular set of criteria for something I want, and it’s nearly impossible to get off the ride until I find it. These shoes didn’t even fit my original criteria (pointed toe, slingback), but they have a low heel, a really pretty little pattern, and are as close to Marie Antoinette as I’m willing to go. Fingers crossed no villagers storm the property to behead me, that would be a downer </3.

In My Belly

I’m Treating Myself to Store-Bought Ice

Can you tell I haven’t made anything of note this past week? Lol. I made white people nachos for the Super Bowl and a new pasta recipe I hoped to share but it was disappointing, so instead I’m making the case for treating yourself to a bag of ice from the store.

Ice? As a treat? Yes! Let me be clear: Not in lieu of a real snack, but instead of the frozen-in-molds-from-tap-water ice you might usually consume. I find that our unfiltered tap water is great room temp or refrigerated, but has a terrible wet dog taste when frozen. I’m generally unwilling to get a slow ass filter for drinking water that tastes crisp from the tap. so my only issue is ice.

Now, I grew up with an ice maker in the freezer, and I often say the most American things about me are my penchant for iced beverages and love of air conditioning. My mom even purchased a countertop ice maker when the one in their fridge broke in order to satiate my ice cravings when I visit—she literally calls me the “ice whore.” So I might be more likely to view ice as a treat, but I know I’m not alone.

Close your eyes and picture it: A glass piled high with ice cubes, a sprinkle of True Lime that clings to the cubes, a crisp can of Diet Coke burbling down to the bottom, a glass straw to stir it as it pops and fizzes. The first big gulp is so carbonated that it hurts going down—but it hurts so good. Aren’t you worth it?

Oh, and don’t worry, I’m not iron deficient. I get regular bloodwork—I just love ice. Other things that hit different on the rocks: blue Gatorade, Trader Joe’s green tea lemonade, XXX Vitamin Water, and apple juice (all my fave beverages).

Speaking of things that go great over store-bought ice…

The Juice of All Juices

Two years ago, Jeffery and I went on a 3-day jaunt to Disney World before a wedding outside of Orlando, and there’s a lot of things I’m still hung up on from that trip. The first is that I’m genuinely sorry for any hate I spewed about Disney adults, because going to Disney as an adult rules. We didn’t bicker about what to do once (which often happens on city vacations—Jeffery likes to wander with no plan, I like to structure our days militantly), we ate with abandon, and the relief of sunshine in February can not be overstated. I think it majorly helps to be forced to plan out your days far in advance by booking restaurant reservations and rides, so when the day comes, you just flow through the itinerary.

Aside from that? I’ve been hung up on the breakfast buffet at Boma (the biggest restaurant in Animal Kingdom Lodge) since I was a kid, but this time, I’m specifically stuck on the “jungle juice” they pour from carafes like it’s water. I think I guzzled like, eight glasses over two breakfasts, and I forgot how obsessed I was until I stumbled upon this juice at Whole Foods the other day. It looked just like “jungle juice” (which makes me lol bc the name is so ever clear and Kool-aid in a plastic tub coded)—a vibrant orange and slightly viscous, unlike a thin apple juice.

Praise Kier, I was right. It’s so close I’m starting to wonder if this company supplies Boma with their signature juice. And just like the OG juice, I slurped up the entire thing in one day—straight from the bottle, in a glass with a straw, and crunched down with ice. The juice is a blend of: pineapple, apple, peach, and orange concentrate, and papaya puree. It’s f*cking perfect.

You Ask, I Answer

Q: “Looking for a monthly subscription (affordable) of any kind for a quick shot of dopamine, any recs?”

A: Okay, remember when subscriptions were all the rage? It seemed like every new company that emerged in 2018 was some sort of subscription service that was going to change your life—be it Quip toothbrushes or Billie razors. FWIW, I still use Billie razors and find them better than most you can get at the drugstore, but I digress.

My mother in law actually signed us up for Universal Yums, and we’ve been loving it even more than I thought we would. Each month they send you a box of snacks from a country or region, starting at $18 for 5–7 snacks and up to $40 for 15–18 snacks. So far we’ve gotten Italy, the UK, and Turkey, and we’ve been going to town on them, tbh. I think because we don’t keep a ton of snacks in the house, the boxes feel like a genuine treat, especially when they have really good stuff.

The UK box, in particular, had some real gems we hadn’t tried before (and were generally unfamiliar to our friends in London), which I thought was impressive, because they really dig to find special stuff. Namely: Millions (chewy little coated candies you can tip back into your mouth), Bounty soft baked cookies (with milk chocolate chips and tons of shredded coconut), and Walkers eclairs (I already love Cadbury eclairs, and these were similar with a caramel outer and chocolate inner).

Need a gift suggestion for your mother-in-law’s birthday? Stuck on how to rearrange the furniture in your living room? Want to know what to do with a jar of marinated artichokes? Come to mama. Hit me up with your questions, and I'll answer them in an upcoming letter.