I’m back! Apologies for leaving you last week—the seasonal depression was seasonal depression-ing, and I truly couldn’t get myself to tippy tap out all my thoughts, because I didn’t really have any thoughts besides: “well shit, it’s 6pm and I’ve barely eaten today but there’s no groceries…” You know?

Luckily it was like, 55 degrees out yesterday, so I’m regaining the will to live, and I’m doing my usual doom-scrolling Poshmark every night for things to wear in Mexico come April. It’s the little things! Plus, there’s a lot of good TV on right now (Severance, RHOBH, Summer House, White Lotus, Below Deck Down Under, Yellowjackets), so that is a salve indeed.

On My Brain

The Roast of Caroline Mullen

Guess who’s turning the big three oh next week? That’s right, moi. I’m not really a big birthday girl, and not because I’m afraid of aging or getting older—getting older rules. Mostly I just forget to look forward to it or try to keep expectations low because birthdays can be a weird, lonely thing. Also, we’re getting married this year and a good chunk of my friends are also turning 30, so it doesn’t feel like a big deal in the scheme of things?

Anyway, I kept getting asked what I was doing for my 30th, and I finally decided a few weeks ago what my ideal birthday is. I will be having my nearest and dearest friends over for a roast—both in the Comedy Central way and in the British Sunday dinner way. I have requested that everyone prepare a roast of me (presentations and props welcome), and in return, I shall feed everyone a roast dinner. I’m thinking: some large cut of beef, Yorkshire puddings, gravy, crispy potatoes, roast veg, and probably a rotisserie chicken from Costco because nobody does it better than them. Some people might be horrified at the idea of their friends roasting them, but I tend to think that if someone knows you well enough to roast you, and they still love you? That’s a gift!

I am now very much looking forward to my birthday, because I love to feed my friends in my home, and I love a structured activity. My friend Maura has provided me a sneak peek of her roast: a slideshow on all the things I would get cancelled for. I simply can’t wait.

White Lotus and Summer House are Back, Baby!

I have watched both episodes of White Lotus twice through already, I just can’t get enough. Even though I didn’t get the hype for season one of this show, I was absolutely taken with no season two just like everyone else—it was simply perfect. (I watched that season twice through too, just for good measure.) The setting this time is even more stunning and immersive than even Hawaii or Sicily (hard to believe), and I’m low key desperate to go to Thailand now?

One of my favorite things about this show, though, are the wardrobe choices. I saw this girl on TikTok breaking down all the designer items spotted on each of the characters and what they mean (bc Mike White thinks through it all), and now my favorite game is guessing where the characters bought their clothes and how much they paid. Another favorite part of White Lotus? Aimee Lou Wood’s teeth. She was so stinking cute in Sex Education and I’m so happy to see her on TV again. I also saw a theory that a monkey was the one shooting the gun off in the opening sequence, and I’m really hoping that’s true, just for fun.

Summer House is also back, and I loathe the men on this program more than ever. After being duped by West last season (along with Ciara, obvs), I am also more distrustful of charismatic men on TV than ever, and every time I see his face I want to punch it. Kyle Cook is being his usual repugnant self, and Jesse Solomon is love-bombing and negging this poor girl Lexie so hard I might puke. Actually, in comparison, Mr. Veneers (Carl) and ol’ boring face (Gabby) are more likable this season, even though they’re entirely forgettable. I stay a fan of Paige (even though I can’t get into Giggly Squad, srry) and Ciara, I pray for Amanda to wake up and leave her husband, and Lindsay remains fabulous TV. I personally think now that she’s had a baby Bravo should bump her up to RHONY to revive that incredibly stale cast. But that is merely one girl’s opinion!

In My Cart

Eye Gel for My Eye Bags ❤️ 

You already know that ya girl is turning 30 next week, and I’ve definitely started to notice my skin losing elasticity and youthful ~plumpness this past year or so. So I’m trying to invest in my skin, and my under eyes are one area that’s been plaguing me as of late. I got the Dieux forever eye masks for Christmas, but I didn’t have an eye gel to use with them, and both eye creams I have didn’t seem to work properly with the masks. So, like a sucker, I bought the Dieux Auracle eye gel, and it definitely works better with the masks. Do I have brand new 18-year-old under eyes? No, but I feel like I’m doing something, idk.

Kosas Concealer for My Eye Bags ❤️ 

In my quest to find the perfect wedding makeup routine, I picked up the Kosas concealer the girls have been raving about, and so far I really like it. I’m historically a Shape Tape girl (both the OG formula for full coverage days and the ultra-creamy formula for regular days), but I can’t end up like the conservative makeup people on TikTok, stuck in my full beat 2016 makeup ways and refusing to budge. So I’m getting with the times, and I think I like it. Should I do a full rundown of all the makeup I used post-wedding? Lmk <3

In My Belly

Ground Chicken Lettuce Wraps

We’re in our healthy era!! Jk, we’re proceeding as usual, but I do love lettuce wraps, and Jeffery often requests these. Who am I to say no when they’re so friggin’ easy? I loosely follow this recipe, which is a copycat of P.F. Changs lettuce wraps (which I don’t think I’ve ever actually had?), but I add like, double the hoisin sauce and double the garlic, obvs, and roughly chopped peanuts for some more crunch. I also serve them with white rice (I can’t wait for my rice cooker! Someone bought it from our registry!) and soy sauce for dipping. I forgot to get scallions this time so I subbed them for white onion, and while I missed the tang of fresh scallions on top, they definitely sufficed.

You Ask, I Answer

Q: “Best mens leather duffle that doesn’t break the bank but can work as a carry on for a BF who travels light?”

A: I’m not sure what your budget is, but I will say that a leather duffle will probably be an investment, so gird your loins.

Somehow this duffle from Quince is only $200, which feels like a very good deal. I’m dubious about Quince still but I do like some of the things I’ve purchased from them. I love that this weekender from Leatherology can be monogrammed in three different ways, and it comes in five colors and two sizes. If these still feel too pricey (I know, leather is a lot), Jeffery has the Halfday garment duffle and he likes it for traveling with suits because you can lay them down flat and pack other stuff around hanging items.

Need a gift suggestion for your mother-in-law’s birthday? Stuck on how to rearrange the furniture in your living room? Want to know what to do with a jar of marinated artichokes? Come to mama. Hit me up with your questions, and I'll answer them in an upcoming letter.